Jimmy Carr’s funniest jokes

We look back at the caustic comic’s finest moments ahead of the launch of Comedy Central’s Roast Battle.

If telling jokes was an Olympic sport, Jimmy Carr would be a multiple gold-medal winner,

The stand-up’s brutal, machine gun-fire of gags have turned him into one of the UK’s most successful and popular TV stars.

[Read more: Katherine Ryan's funniest ever moments]

It also makes him the ideal co-host for Comedy Central’s new series Roast Battle.

The show turns comedy into a sport, placing some of the world’s funniest comics head-to-head in a game of insults.

Carr, Katherine Ryan and Russell Brand are the show’s hosts and judges, picking up the pieces from the hilarious and humiliating showdowns.

Jimmy Carr

To celebrate the show’s launch, here are 10 of Carr’s finest gags, which would be worthy winning blows in any Roast Battle.

1. I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.

2. I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently, they’re not a ‘proper present’.

3. The first few weeks of joining Weight Watchers you’re just finding your feet.

4. A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, ‘Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?’ I said, ‘All right, but we’re not going to get much done’.”

5. I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but if you took all the money that we in the West spend on food in one week, you could feed the Third World for one year. I’m not sure about you people, but I think we’re being overcharged on groceries.

6. I’m not being condescending, I’m too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn’t understand.

7. My father always used to say, ‘What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”. Until the accident.

8. My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian...

9. The first guy who persuaded a blind person they needed sunglasses - he must have been a hell of a salesman.

10. I’d rather see a pregnant woman standing on the bus than a fat girl sitting down crying.


Roast Battle starts Monday, January 15th at 10pm on Comedy Central – BT TV 307/370 HD.

Catch up on the show and other Comedy Central series on the BT Player.

[Read more: Jimmy Carr involved in the most embarrassing TV moment of the year]

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