Victoria Wood's funniest jokes and sketches

Ahead of ITV's special tribute to Victoria Wood, we look back at some of the comedian's funniest moments.

Comedy legend Victoria Wood died aged 62 last month.

The national treasure and multi-Bafta award-winning writer, director, actor and comedian started her TV career in 1974 on TV talent show New Faces.

Wood became one the country’s best-loved comics with hit TV series As Seen On TV in the 1980s, her sitcom Dinnerladies in the 90s and a long-running comedy partnership with Julie Walters.

She was also a hugely popular stand-up and showcased her acting talents in Pat and Margaret and the BBC Morecambe and Wise drama, Eric and Ernie, where she played Eric’s mother.

Stars pay tribute to Victoria Wood who has passed away at 62

Here are our personal pick of Wood’s funniest jokes and sketches..

1. "I'd been trying to get pregnant and I didn’t and I went to the doctor and asked ‘why aren’t I getting pregnant?’, I’m doing all the right things, I’m not drinking, I’m taking my vitamins, I’m sticking a pillow under my bottom. He said ‘are you having sexual intercourse on a regular basis?’ and ‘I said I can’t do everything’."

2. "When you are in the middle of labour it’s like watching two very inefficient removal men trying to get a very large sofa through a very small doorway, only in this case you can’t say, bring it through the French window."

3. The Ballad of Barry and Freda


4. "It was called All-Star Family Fortunes, they had a makeover team, a house team and a gardening team. I’m sorry, those aren’t stars. Stars are people like Madonna or Elizabeth Taylor. You can’t be a star if your only claim to fame is having your own spirit level."

5. "Well, he's not really my husband, but he did rub up against me in a sports coat once so he's as good as."

6. "Jogging is for people who aren’t intelligent to watch breakfast TV."

7.  "I once went to one of those parties where everyone throws their car keys into the middle of the room. I don’t know who got my moped but I’ve been driving that Peugeot for years."

8. Two Soups from As Seen on TV


9. "My children won’t even eat chips because some know-all b*****d at school told them a potato was a vegetable."

10. "Sexual harassment at work… is it a problem for the self-employed?"

11. "I thought Coq au Vin was love in a lorry."

12. "People think I hate sex. I don’t. I just don’t like things that stop you seeing the television

13. The Making of Acorn Antiques


14. "My boyfriend had a sex manual but he was dyslexic. I was lying there and he was looking for my vinegar."

15. "Life's not fair is it? Some drink champagne in fast lane and some eat sandwiches by lthe oose chippings on the A597."

Let’s Do It: A tribute to Victoria Wood airs 7.30pm on Sunday night (May 15) on  ITV.

Share your memories of Victoria Wood and your favourite jokes and sketches from her career in Comments below.

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